Operation Canard was well underway when the press found out about it.
The Daily Beast thought perhaps Operation Canard was a decoy, which is funny sort of since it actually means “duck” in French.
But whatever was thought, it paled in comparison to the scope of incompetence. I mean, for fuck’s sake, if you’re going to lie, just lie!
For the administration to suggest that women should take Midol for headaches when they think the things their husbands say are dumb. That was updated advice instead of taking Tylenol as birth control.
The administration had banked on tricking women into getting pregnant and increasing the population. All it had to do was stay in power for the next 18 years and 9 months and those children would vote for them.
That was a big old overestimation of the administration’s popularity. Also, that assumed that any of those folks could find a voting machine unless it smelled like a McDonald’s.
There were already new medical textbooks ready to hit the shelves so that the Gen Z population didn’t get more freaked out than it already was. For the purposes of this generation, the “birth canal” would be remarketed as the “love canal”. Those in charge of this department were not aware that Love Canal was the name of a Superfund site. Gen Z was not aware of anything, it was hoped.
The President was caught escaping down the river in a canoe. It was a shame he had such tiny hands. Heading out from Watergate, it was indeed slow going. As the canoe capsized again and again, he tried to step in the same river twice, which, someone should have mentioned, is a big philosophical no-no.
To further problematize the complicated scenario, the President was rowing with his White House guard dog, whom he had affectionately named “Chickenshit”. Every time the canoe flipped, Chickenshit locked his jaws on the President’s testicles. This was the reason the President was dragged into Canine Court. The Judge noted that feeding such non-nutritious food to a dog was an example of neglect. The President vowed to appeal this matter to the Kangaroo Court. Although, when he stated this, it was in a much higher voice than usual.
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