It was Valentine’s Day, and I had nothing to wear. I did, of course, have a closet full of things to wear, and they were all 50 shades of Taupe.
Call it earthy. Call it flesh tone. It’s just who I am.
My name is Mud. My name is not Mud, but why would that be wrong? Adam, the first man in the Bible, is named after the earth.
This particular outfit is tapered. It shows off my badunkadunk.
But I don’t need it to be so taut I can’t breathe. It’s loose enough so that when I walk across the room it’s like I’m moving between different states of matter. This, I hope, will confuse the Angel of Death. It’s like a cloak that’s a cloaking device. In any case, I haven’t died yet, and whenever I’m at rest I’m very conspicuous and amused. That would be at least half of the time, right? What does that say about people who never move?
My mother taught me, the best thing you can be in life is a Taurus. She was very stubborn on this point. And, if you’re not a Taurus, my mother said, find a Taurus and ride on their back. Worst case scenario, you won’t have to walk. Best case scenario, it feels good down below when you’re holding on bareback.
Tonight, I said to myself from the depths of my walk-in closet, tonight I will take the bull by the horns. Even if there is no bull, tonight is mine. Anyway, the proper study of man is man. And if man is in the moon, then tonight, we set our sights on the stars!