Yes, I’d like to open a bank account. My name is Pufff Adder. Three fffs. Two dds.
Imagine if Puff Daddy and Black Adder had a baby.
No, it’s not short for anything. Is Penelope short for something? Is Raminagrobis short for something?
Of course, I submit to a background check. I also don’t mind a body cavity search. I have excellent dental records. If you don’t believe it, you can bite me.
No, there’s no need to call Security. I admonish you, I am an intellectual chap, and think of things that would astonish you. You seem very nervous. Is there a law against rhyming in a bank?
Please, take my money. It’s very heavy. I’d rather not carry it all around with me. Yes, exactly. It’s in the big metal box that set off your metal detectors. It’s kind of heavy metal, if you put two and two together and add up to four. No? Asking too much?
One more thing. My money is only mine. It is not affiliated with any terrorists, nepo babies, bitcoin aficionados, people who want to put Elon Musk in space, people who want to put Hilary Clinton in jail, people who believe in the Fifth Beatle, the Twelfth Imam, the Return of the King, the sanity of Kanye West, that diamonds are forever, that the Big Bang is not forever, people who don’t have a Taylor Swift era, people who smoke crystal meth, people who drink Liquid Death, people who have sex with cattle, those who are easily rattled, and those whose brains are addled. If you only have five senses, why would I want to grow my money with you? Open your third eye, and open my account, yesterday!
Are you not hearing me? Did you see how much money I have? I’ll even take a savings bond james bond, some options, swaptions, futures, and forwards, not to be too derivative. You really don’t want my money? Man, I tried really hard today to match my tie to my suit. I think I see the issue. Your vault isn’t big enough for my dough. I guess I’ll go back to my yacht with all this. But I’m gonna need a bigger boat.