Hello, Amalgamated Sex Change Company. How may I connect your call?
I beg your pardon? Does your mother know you use words like that?
Take it back. First of all, this is a great company. We help ameliorate the human experience:your human experience. We go beyond the binary. Because we don’t discriminate, do we? Bitch, did I say press 1 for male to female, press 2 for female.to male? I sure as Walter Mercado did not!
What if you want a change from neutral to female? Female to neutral? Female to female? Exactly. For those who like to sing “I’m every woman”. So you think it’s bullshit?
Do you know anyone who’s married and renews their vows? Or re-inks their tattoos?
Or has been circumused more than once?
We are a very amiable company. We offer the power of choice. Say what?
We have payment plans. Of course, you could sit around at home visualizing your true self. You could also visualize world peace and not do a thing to bring about world peace. What now? This call is making you amorous? You want to amalga-mate with me? You want to lose yourself in my holy of holies? You want to plug into my ecstatic electricity socket? You want to go where no man, woman or set has gone before?
You’re cute. But I only like to be objectified on alternate Wednesdays. Please hold.