“Well,” said Majestine, “it looks like he’s dead.”
“Looks can be deceiving,” sobbed Angelaura. “And so I ordain you to lezzerect him.”
“Do you think I can make the dead stand again as alive?”
“He doesn’t need to stand. He can kneel. But yes, alive, please.”
Angelaura brooded.
Majestine blinked disapprovingly. “If you’re going to wallow like this, it makes me question why I raised you as a Princess of Dextopia.”
“I’d rather wallow with Prince Enrique than bask in the sun all by myself wearing a silly tiara.”
Majestine blinked again. “It may be a silly tiara, but it is studded with conflict diamonds. From a generation ago. And you know how difficult it is for me to speak of conflicts.”
“I’m sorry I brought up unpleasantness. But can you see how sad I become when you talk about gem-studded things when my own stud lies collapsed on the ground!”
“I thought you did not like men. The whole point of our Queendom is, we don’t like men.”
“You know it’s not that I like them. I feel sorry for them.”
Majestine thought about this. It made sense, and yet! “Liking them has never been done. Feeling sorry for them has also never been done. And, of course, lezzerecting any of them has never been done. We don’t know if they’re strong enough.”
“No, we don’t.”
“And, surely, if you liked one of them, you wouldn’t want to kill him by accidentally.”
“It seems all I have are choices that obscure the one the other.”
“Shall we just let him stay dead?”
“Oh, but he was so cute. He just waded in the water when he saw me.”
“Yes. He didn’t know he couldn’t swim. Probably a clear sign he wasn’t that smart, even when he was alive the first time. Think of what might happen if he returns to us.”
“Time is short. I command you to wand him!”
“But, Princess! Does he even have the neural capacity of a woman? Wanding could really fuck him up.”
“Or it could teach him to feel. Do it. Now!”
And so, muttering, Majestine whipped out her special, adamantine wand and touched it to the snow-white cheek of the unmoving Prince Enrique. He twitched slightly.
“Try other places!” whinged Angelaura.
And so, the wand was moved down the sternum, across the thorax, until it rested atop the abdomen. And there, it began to glow.
“Maybe they really do have ovaries?” It had been part of the debate about these legendary creatures.
Though they could not believe their eyes, the Prince rose up. He was the first of any other species to be lezzerected.
What a shame he got up and ran the hell away.
“OK, Princess, giver of life, “smirked Majestine. You gave it a good try. I know you’re disappointed he didn’t talk to us.”
“I am nothing of the kind. Who says I wanted him for his conversation? I just liked to watch him run. And I got a double serving in one day.”
THE END