Omicron licked his lips. That human had been delicious.
He asked himself why the human had been so tasty. Probably because of the depth of his thoughts and convictions.
That must be why. Omicron didn’t always have such nice meals. But every once in a while, he went all out and ate someone’s savior.
He had to admit, it was a crapshoot. Some humans may seem to care about others, but when you get down to eating them, they’re rather scrawny and unfulfilling.
Whereas some, the ones with big bellies and Rubenesque physiques, they can keep you busy for a while but you may end up spitting them out.
What Omicron wanted was a savior whom he could savor.
But where to look? For a while, Omicron had gotten very skilled at impressions of dog voices. He could make such sounds outside of a firehouse, wake up the firefighters, get them to open the door, and then eat them. Again, it was great at first. You could tell when someone really cared. And all that sliding down poles and carrying ladders builds real muscles. But by his fourth scarfing down of a fire brigade, Omicron was tasting all the smoke inhalation. And so he vowed to go on a purification diet.
For three months, he ate only Community College Professors.
Then, he devoured Theological Seminary Doctoral Candidates. Nothing against their goals, which he admitted were very noble, but he could just smell the frustration of trying so hard to change the world. That, and with one dude who was wearing this priest collar that just wouldn’t come off. So he missed out on all that neck and elbow feasting.
Finally, when he turned his back on the above, Omicron knew he had saved the best for last. He would go to the biggest Cosplay gathering in Savannah, Georgia. There were many good reasons behind this savvy decision. For starters, he could walk just in as he was, looking like a vicious, hungry alien, and people would compliment him on his costume. Which he wasn’t wearing, but cool. Several participants asked to take their photo with him. Some were confused why his image didn’t show up in any of the photos. Ah, the benefits of alien technology. Some folks invited him into a geodesic dome for a cuddle session. They did not come back out again. But for Omicron, these were mere hors-d’oeuvres. When he heard it was time for the local manifestation of the Billion Bunny March, he salivated. And he took the safety catch off his big jaws and opened wide. There was much screaming. And eating. And then, he felt a pain in the depth of his being. His stomach was full of metal. This was not supposed to happen. And yet, when you eat dozens of humans wearing cheap bunny ears with hidden wiring, this can happen.
As he felt his life leaving his body, Omicron wondered if he would go to heaven. He started to ask his savior for help. And then everything went dark.