Last Supper Humor

After some strange anti-Jewish sentiment in the USA, I thought it would be helpful to explain what really happened during the Last Supper….


Jesus: Dearly Beloved, thank you for joining me in this olive garden.


Matthew: Oh yeah, man, no sweat. I love the unlimited crackers. I’m trying to see if it’s true you can’t eat five in a row without your mouth drying up.


Andrew: Philip, should we tell him it’s called matzah?


Philip: Andrew, he’s a tax collector in the springtime, let him be happy he came to this lovely dinner in the first place.


Jesus: As I was saying. Well, you know me, let’s do this through a parable. Judas, since it is Passover, would you please recite the Four Questions?

Judas I.: Who me?


Jesus: Is there anyone else here named Judas?


Everyone: YES!


Judas I.: Fabulous. Here we go. (clears throat) Why is this night different from all other nights?


Jesus: Because, by the end of this night, one of you will betray me one time and one of you will deny me three times..


Didymus: I doubt this very much.


Bartholemew: Didymus, all you ever do is doubt things. It’s probably you.


Didymus: Oh, I don’t know.


Bartholemew: Tell him, James son of Zebedee!


James: Zebedee Zebedee that’s all folks!


John: Excuse me, I just have to go to the John for a moment.


Philip: Don’t leave, man. If you miss something, your version of this story might somewhat diverge from other retellings.


Jesus: I won’t keep you in suspense. One of the guys who I said would do one of the things is…the Apostle Formerly Known As Simon.


Peter: You can call me Peter, you know.


Jesus: Listen, Apostle Formerly Known As Simon, you are already showing the proof that you shall cock-block me before dawn.


Peter: I’m here to help.


Jesus: Maybe. But who will betray me, I wonder?


Andrew: It’s probably Thaddeus. He never says anything anyway, just listens. How annoying is that?


Jesus: I will think that over.


Judas I.: In the mean time, will you excuse me? I just have to go put money in the parking meter for the donkey that you rode into Jerusalem.

Jesus: Man, if that’s what you gotta do.

Judas I.: (as he steps over and around other participants) Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry. A thousand pardons. (He exits.)

Jesus: Does anyone else know any of the Four Questions?


Simon the Zealot: Where’s the wine?


Jesus: That is an excellent question!

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